


Always Have a Backup Plan.  Having Sneaky Friends Is a Bonus.

by DriannaHarper



Series: A couch, two soldiers, and a pin up [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DriannaHarper/pseuds/DriannaHarper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's heard of a bridezilla.  This is much, much worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Have a Backup Plan.  Having Sneaky Friends Is a Bonus.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing fic for close to 20 years, and most of what I write is angst. This? Is not that. This may be the sappiest thing I've ever written. All the angst in some of the previous stories was to be able to get here. You have been warned.
> 
> Also, Darcy and all her friends have potty mouths. Heads up for language.

“We have to have the band set up over here. There isn’t room anywhere else in the hall for it, not if we want the extra tables for the Fantastic Four. It’ll have to be here,” a finger is jabbed into the table arrangement map thing on the table.

“No, there needs to be more room for the Shield invites, it’s important to make them feel welcome, that goes THERE.” It gets a different finger jab. “What do you think, Bucky?”

He looks up, eyes desperate, and catches Darcy’s gaze. She’s across the room, looking just as harried, stuck with Tony, Thor, and Bruce. She got catering with them. He got table arranging with Nat and Pepper.

Her eye twitches. He opens his mouth-

“See, he agrees with me.”

Darcy throws one anxious gaze at the nearest camera, and Jarvis is his newest best friend.

“Darcy, Sargent Barnes, please come to the communal gym. Captain Rogers is in need of your assistance.”

Both of them shrug and apologize, before damn near running to the elevator. Once safely inside, they collapse into each other.

“Oh, my GOD, James, if I have to hear Tony rave about one more canapé-“

“Better than ‘where to put which senator next to which superhero’. We don’t even know these people, why are they supposed to be at our wedding?”

“Pepper wants me to wear white. Fucking WHITE, man. Like we haven’t been shacking up for years. And Jane agrees with her!”

“What the hell is happening, Darce?”

“Jay, stop the elevator, right the fuck now.”

The lift stops immediately, and she burrows further into him. “It’s not us anymore. It’s them, and a big ass fancy party. I don’t want that, James. I just want us.”

“Darce-“

“Nat tried to talk me into garters that had room for KNIVES, dude. I don’t want to have to think about hiding my taser at my wedding.”

“What do you want to do, baby? It’s our wedding, we can just say no.”

He can see tears forming as she looks up at him. “We can’t really, though. They’re just trying to be supportive, and they don’t SEE that they’ve gone all insane on… Jesus, Barnes, it was supposed to be OUR day. Why do I have the Avengers dream wedding all over our shit?”

“I don’t know, sugar. But it stops now. What do YOU want?”

“It’s on both of us, James. It’s what WE want.”

“I just wanna marry you, Darcy. I don’t care about the rest. If you want all this crazy shit, we’ll do that. But only if it makes you happy.”

The look she gives him is one of a woman gone to one too many bridal shops. “Really? Want to know what I want?”

He kisses her on the head. “Of course I do.”

“Be sure. Be really, really, sure.”

“Darcy, I love you. I want to be married to you. Whatever needs to happen now, I’m in. Just, you know, let me know how many bridesmaids you’re going to have, because apparently I need as many groomsmen.”

“If you’re really, really, sure?”

“I am.”

“Stick with Steve.”

“You just having one? That’ll piss off all the rest.”

“Oh, this is going to piss off everyone. If we do what I want? They’re all going to be super cranky with us. Still in?”

“I can’t wait.”

“Jarivs? Code Mauve alpha four. Where’s Cap at right now?”

“In the communal gym, as you’d suspected. Darcy? Are you certain about alpha four?”

“Never more certain, buddy. Like I didn’t want that as my first option.”

“…I. Will keep Sir and the rest of the Avengers occupied.”

“Thanks, sweetie. Now, we gotta wrassle us a Captain.”

Bucky still has his face buried in her shoulder. “Do I want to know?”

“I can tell you, if you like. But I think you’re going to dig this.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too. That’s the point.”

Steve and Sam are sparring (totally not using it for sexy time, really… not), when they walk in. They break apart, blushing (at least Steve is blushing. Sam is smirking), when the engaged couple walks in. Darcy picks up a water bottle, chucks it above Steve’s head, and yells, “Hey asshole, get down here,” at the closest vent.

Clint tumbles his way out of the vent (she gives the jerk a 9, he stuck the landing), while the other two get a little twitchy.

“This isn’t wedding stuff, is it, cause Pep-, “Sam starts. Darcy steamrolls right over him.

“Yeah, this is wedding stuff. We want OUR wedding. On our terms. So, Barton, can your boyfriend find us a lift?”

“Well, YEAH, but-“

“Shut up. This stays between us. Okay? The rest of them have lost their damned minds, and I’m not letting them do it on MY wedding. So, Clint’s man is going to get us a plane, and we’re going to Vegas. Call and ask him already, Barton.”

“Stevie, you’re gonna be my best man, right?”

Steve tears up a little and the rest of them roll their eyes. “Rogers, I’m the bride, that’s MY job. Barton, a word?”

She steers Clint to the side, while Bucky, Steve and Sam huddle together. 

“What’s actually going on here?” Steve asks.

“Looks like our pals here are doing a shot gun wedding in Vegas, and we get to be part of it. Any of that a problem?” The other two are taken aback by how fierce Sam sounds.

“No, Sam, we grew up in the War. I’m used to seeing war brides. I just… There’s so much of a build up with the wedding going on upstairs…,” he starts.

“That’s the problem,” Bucky says. “They aren’t listening to us. We don’t want a fancy thing, with all the table placements, and expensive food, and big speeches. We just wanna get married. With our friends. So, Darce cornered me and asked if we were on the same page, and we are. Just us, in a little church, with our closest. Nothing fancy.”

He fumbles in his pocket for a moment. “So, hold on to this, jerk,” he says as he passes over his Ma’s wedding ring.

Steve takes it, rubbing his thumb over the worn band. “Hell, Buck. We’re… I…” he tries before grabbing his best friend in a crushing hug. 

Looking across the room, Steve meets Clint’s eyes over Darcy’s shoulder, and they have the same damn look on their faces. They’re both so beyond their comfort zones, and so MOVED, they don’t have words.

It’s not until they’ve all managed to sneak out to meet the plane that it occurs to Steve to ask.

“Wait. Clint? Who is your boyfriend, why haven’t we met him before, and why are we taking his plane?”

Darcy turns and smacks Hawk on the shoulder. “Freaking Hell, dude! You STILL haven’t explained? And you waited until NOW?”

“It’s classified,” he mutters.

“Your mom’s fucking classified. Okay, Steve, here’s the deal. This is a need to know thing, which I THOUGHT you knew, like, ages ago. Seriously, Jarvis, you didn’t tell them?”

“Security breach.”

“You suck, man.”

She gives Steve the sad eyes, and no one can stay angry in their wake. “Okay, this wasn’t my secret, and it was not my idea to hide it.”

“I’m not sure what-“he starts.

“Nick Fury is a fucking liar who lies, okay? You should know that straight off.”

“I do.”

“Okay. So… Clint’s boyfriend is getting us a ride to Vegas, and is also going to walk me down the aisle. Cause, Agent IPod Thief is damned near family.”

“Agent-“

“Coulson, Captain. Good to see you again,” Agent Agent deadpans as he approaches the group.

“Wait, Agent IPod Thief is the Agent that DIED? You didn’t tell me that, woman!” Sam yells, wide eyed.

“I thought you KNEW!”

“I never met the guy, I just smiled and nodded whenever you said something about avoiding his cranky face!”

Steve is having a much more difficult time, if the gaping he’s doing is any indication. “But… you…”

“Died for a while. It didn’t take. Miss Lewis, Agent Barton didn’t explain exactly what this mission was for, just that he needed a ride.”

“Oh. Not details, at all?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Okay. Well, James Buchannan Barnes and I are running away from Pepper and Natasha’s attempts at planning our wedding, high tailing it to Vegas, getting married in a smallish chapel, attended by Captain America as the best man, Hawkeye as the maid of honor, and you, boss man, you’re giving me away. You okay with that?”

Phil looks her up and down. “You’re lucky Clint has easy tells. I have a dress waiting for you. I think you’ll like it.”

“Is it white?”

“You? In white?”

“I knew you got me, Son of Coul.”

They all start getting texts, moments into the flight. None ask where they are, or how they’re doing. They all involve cake tasting and decorative party favors.

Darcy asks three minutes later that they ignore them. They all agree, while Clint pilots, in a really smug manner, and the rest confer in the back.

“Darce, are you SURE-“

“Ask me one more time, Steve. Seriously. I’ll smack you.”

“… How do you always know when Barton’s in the vents?”

“I don’t. I just assume the sneaky little bastard is always there. I hit him fifty percent of the time.”

“The other fifty percent?”

“Jarvis doesn’t tattle. So, shut up.”

“Was that why you had pen marks that afternoon you did nothing but lay on the carpet and throw things at the ceiling?”

“I said shut up, and I’m the bride here, so do it, asshole. Oh, shit, James?”

“Darcy, you okay?”

“We’re getting married. I’m a bride. And I think I just figured out my vows. But I swore a shit ton in them, and fuck, I still am. You proposed to a woman that swears like a drunken sailor with Tourette’s! “

“And I’m marrying that foul mouthed woman. Cause I love her. And she loves me. And she trusts me. And she’s a filthy tongued harlot.”

“Who told you?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Even when you’re trying to be naughty, you’re fucking cute. And we land in half an hour, so figure out if you’re doing this or not.”

“We’re doing this, jerk. And I’m the bride, so be overly cautious. I might go crazy.”

“As crazy as Pepper?”

“Well, NO, but it’s my DAY, man, let me have it.”

She’s not allowed to help James with his tie, but Clint helps with her dress. Phil was right, and she pouts a little bit about it. It’s her favorite color of dark blue, and it compliments her skin and her hair. She’s trying not to ruin her mascara as she hands Clint the ring she’d picked out for James. 

Phil walks her down the aisle, kisses her on the cheek, and hands her off to Bucky.

There isn’t a person at the altar. “Umm,” Bucky starts-

“I’ll be your officiant this evening, Sargent Barnes. Unless you have a complaint.”

Jarvis’ voice manages to be both the scariest thing he’s ever heard, and the best thing.

“Jay? If you weren’t already Darcy’s best friend, I’d ask you to be my best man. Hell with Captain America.”

“Hey, I resemble that remark. And I agree, Jarvis, you are a better friend than any of us. So, if you feel like you can do both rolls-“

“Sorry, Captain, I have found that if I’m going to bless this marriage, I can only do so in one capacity.”

“Fuck that,” Darcy says. “Oh, crap. We’re getting to the vows part soon, right? It’s either that, or my AI and Cap and my almost husband getting into a fight, and hell with that noise.”

Everyone is looking at her indulgently, and she’s tempted to pull the ‘I’m the bride’ thing again, but she doesn’t. 

“Hey Jay, where did I put my actual vows?”

“In your bra, in your other shirt.”

“Freaking damn it. Umm… You wanna go first?”

“Darcy, I love you, and I hate your couch, and I hope I never have to spend another night on it, but if I do, can we get a new one with some lumbar support?”

“James, I love you, I’ll always be there for you, and fuck off, we both love that couch. But yes, the next one will be better.”

“Darce-“

“My other vows were better. But it doesn’t matter. It’s all kinds of done, right?”

She tries to wiggle away, until he grabs her hand and slides the ring on it. “Wait. We were… serious, serious right? Like, that’s it? We do the ring thing, Jay does his bit, and we’re married?”

“You thought… oh, I could-” Barnes starts, before Clint gets him in a headlock, and helps Darcy get his ring on.

“Nope, that was perfect, Barnes, so shut up and take it like a man. Jarvis, are we at the kissing part yet?”

The AI sighs. “By the power vested in me by the States of New York and Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. And now I’m turning off visual, because I see the two of you engage in this sort of act far too often as it is.”

The newly married couple grin at each other, before Bucky pulls Darcy into his arms, dips her, and kisses her dramatically. 

Clint smacks his hands together. “All right, so, we’re in Vegas. Care to get up to shenanigans?”

“Clint, who even uses that word anymore?”

“Watch it, Phil, I got it from YOU. Ten years ago, I’d have just asked ‘who wants to go fuck things up’.”

Bucky pulls Darcy back up and wraps both arms around her. “One drink, guys, I got a wedding night to get to.”

“We don’t have to go back right away, right? They’re gonna shred us. I’d like to be married for more than a day before the Widow murders me for ruining her wedding,” Darcy pleads.

They all exchange looks. “Yeah, let’s take a long weekend,” Steve suggests.

“I am happy to announce that any and all bills will be paid for courtesy of Stark Industries.”

“Jarvis, dude, did you rat us out?”

“Of course not, Darcy. I didn’t have time to get you a wedding present.”

“Aww, man! You know I love you best.”

“Umm, husband, standing right here.”

“Yeah, but I’m legally required to love you. Jay just gets my love cause he’s awesome.”

“Long as I get your heart.”

“Yeah, that’s been yours for, like, ever. Since day one.”

“I have officially overloaded on cute. Come on, guys, let’s get them their celebratory drink, drop them at a hotel, and go to a casino,” delivers Sam, rolling his eyes.

They all troop out to the giant SUV Coulson had waiting for them at the airstrip. Clint is clearly still enjoying the wedding vibe, as he orders Bucky to ‘open the damned door for your wife.’ That sends the two back into grinning/cuddling mode. Barton nods to himself, clearly proud of his work.

It’s not until Steve notices them both staring at their twined hands that he realizes what has been fuzzing along the edges of his mind since Bucky first proposed. Darcy’s rings are on her left hand. Bucky’s is on his right, preferring the ring to rest on his flesh hand. When the two hold hands, their rings brush up against each other. Maybe he’s a sap (he can already hear Bucky calling him one in his head), but he likes the symmetry of it. The complete opposites that come from a 1940’s war veteran turned assassin, and a brash and sassy poli-sci major that wrangled scientists. And yet, he never doubted how perfectly they complimented each other.

“God DAMN it Steve, no crying! You start crying, then *I’ll* start crying, and YOU’LL be the one that made the bride cry on her wedding day. Suck it up, man!”

 

Three days later, they’re back in Stark Tower, listening to the same fight.

“No, the table needs to be HERE.”

“But, there would be better food done this way.”

Darcy and Bucky stand near the doorway to the common room. They agreed to let the guys handle this one. They just wanted to cuddle.

“SO!” Steve starts. “About this wedding thing,”

He’s cut off immediately by Tony. “It’s a big freaking deal, dude. The first Avengers wedding, or, some such. There has to be food.”

“And planning, Tony, it can’t be one of your parties,” Pepper chimes in. “It has to be tasteful. It represents the whole team, after all.”

“So-,” Steve gets cut off again.

“And there are SO many details to plan. Nat and I have it under control.”

“But,” Steve sighs, looking at the newly married couple. Darcy takes a step forward, and holds up their linked hands, her wedding ring shining in the light.

“No fucking wonder you wanted to do this the way you did. They’re all kinds of stupid,” Steve mutters.

“So are you, tool bag. Feel lucky.”

Tony sees the shiny first. He winds to a stop far before the rest of them do. “Yeah, Pep. It’s going to be one of my parties,” he states, grinning.

“It is NOT, it’s a wedding-“

“Wedding is done. It’s a party.”

“What, wedding is not.., “she peters out. “What?” 

She turns around, confused. Her eyes widen as she takes in the beaming couple.

“Sorry, Pep. You were planning your wedding, not ours. We went ahead and got ours done. We didn’t even KNOW half the people invited to our thing. So, we went small. But, we’re all married and stuff. So… yeah,” Darcy rambles to a stop.

Pepper takes a large step towards her. Darcy backs up into Bucky. “Okay, red, take a step BACK the hell away, cause my husband has issues with people being into his personal space.”

“You… You got married.”

“Yeah. And not by Elvis, even though it was Vegas. What’s the deal here?”

“You… does Jane know? Does Nat?”

“Fuck, I hope not. We were planning on trying to get a honeymoon in at some point before they murder us.”

Ignoring the earlier warning, Pepper steam rolls across the room. As soon as she’s in grabbing range, she has Darcy pulled into a crushing hug.

“You got married. You’re married. You’re someone’s wife!”

“To be fair, he’s also my husband. But yeah, I am. And I’m starting to have trouble breathing, can you-“

“Of course, sorry,” Pepper says as she lets go. Darcy takes a deep breath, only to be shoved aside as the red head does the same maneuver to Bucky. He looks extremely startled, and flails a moment before resting his hands on her back.

“Hey, Jarvis,” Tony barks. “Send the call to Assemble.”

They all look at him in confusion. “You two got married. That means, party!”

Within a few minutes, everyone has filed into the room. They all look extremely muddled when Steve explains that there is no real emergency to deal with. Tony points at the newlyweds.

“Guess who snuck off to Vegas and got hitched?”

There are surprised gasps and cheers and well wishes, as well as some looks of deep relief. Bucky and Darcy are hugged and manhandled by everyone in the room, and it takes a good half hour before Darcy realizes that Pepper looks kind of upset under her smile.

“What’s up, Pepper Pot?”

“Well, it’s just… I’m really happy for you guys, really, I am. But I was kind of looking forward to a big wedding. Now we’ll have to cancel everything, and send out notices explaining what happened-“

“Yeah, about that,” Tony interrupts. “I was thinking. It’s been a… long time… and maybe you should make an honest man out of me. You know, if you wanted.”

Everyone’s gone silent, staring at the two. Pepper’s mouth isn’t hanging open, she’s far too classy for that, but it looks like she really wants it to be.

“Tony, are-“

“Sorry I’m late. BOOM, were you looking for this?” Rhodey grins as he saunters into the room. He marches straight up to his best friend, opens his hand, and offers a ring to the engineer.

“I love you too, Rhodey bear, but I was kind of proposing to Miss Potts. If she’ll have me.”

They smirk at each other, before engaging in a manly hug, Tony taking the engagement ring from him and stepping closer to Pepper.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this since before Barnes and Lewis got engaged, but I didn’t want to step on their wedding. But that’s a done deal, so… what do you say? Wanna take over their former big day?”

“I… Tony…”

“I’m getting a little unnerved that this is taking so long. There really are only two answers here.”

“Yes! Of course, yes!” Pepper says as she throws her arms around him.

Neither notice that there is money being exchanged between their friends. Nat’s another betting pool down. Amazingly, Bruce actually had odds on Tony proposing within days of the Barnes-Lewis wedding.

There is more celebrating, and after a bit, Nat wanders up to the cuddling marrieds. “You two really don’t mind them stealing your thunder on your big day?”

They exchange looks before Darcy shrugs. “We never needed any of that. We’re just happy being together. That’s all we’ve ever needed. Besides, I can TOTALLY steal it back if I want to.”

Nat’s eyes narrow, as she sweeps her gaze up and down. “You didn’t already knock her up, did you Barnes?”

“Wait, what? What was that?” Tony yells as he hurries across the room.

“No, Nat, I’m not pregnant. Although, I DID kind of introduce someone new into the family.”

Everyone is intrigued at this point. “Well, Pepper, since your folks aren’t around anymore, you might want to get the guy that gave me away to walk you down the aisle too.”

“Who’s that? And you said you didn’t get married by Elvis-“ Tony is clearly about to start ranting before she cuts him off.

“No, we totally got married by Jarvis. As for the other thing… it’s kind of funny. Well, not FUNNY, cause it’s not, but it kind of is.”

The entire room is hanging on her words at this point, and she can see Steve, Sam, and Clint smirking at the back of the room. James squeezes her hand, and she feels their rings brush together. The love and peace she feels at that moment makes everything they had to fight through to get here worth it. More than.

“So, Nick Fury is a fucking liar that lies.”


End file.
